Voggenreiter Musikerwitze, The 500 Best Musicians Jokes, ""I have a record contract!"" ""I don't drink any more!"" ""I'll call you tomorrow!, ""Terrorists have taken 90 accordion players as hostage. If their demands are not fulfilled on time, they threaten to release one of them every hour!, How many jazz musicians do you need to replace a broken light bulb? Five. One who changes the bulb and four who want to know how he got this great job."", A musical composer, a film composer and a jazz musician compare their GEMA checks. ""Now I can finally buy the new sailing yacht,"" says the musical composer. ""Now finally the new sports car is due,"" says the film. ""Now I can finally buy a new sweater,"" says the Jazz musician. ""And what about the rest?"" Ask the other two. ""My grandma gives me the rest !"", The four basic rules that every roadie must know: ""Is it dry? - smoking!"" ""Is it wet? - drink!"" ""It moves - fuck!"" ""It doesn't move - into the truck with it! "", A musician proudly says that he has just made his first record. His friend is amazed: ""Man, great, have you sold anything yet?"" the musician: ""Sure - my TV, my car, my house, my stereo system, my coin collection, my ..."", World's best accordion damper? Smith & Wesson.